Probus Editorial
If you would like a copy of the magazine please contact juliak@probustrading.com.
Winter 2009 Editorial
Welcome to the final edition of Probus Magazine for 2009. The year seems to have flown by and Christmas is almost upon us.
We have produced another packed magazine full of your Club Reports and ideas of trips and places of interest for you to fit into your calendar for 2010, but in 2009 we have also been busy with our new website. This is an ongoing project and we are trying to fill it with information that will be of use to you. One of the features that we are building on is the Speaker Section. We have organised this in regions and as speakers appear in the magazine we are including them on the website to make access to the information easier for you. There is also information about insurance that is available both to Probus clubs and Probus members and details of regalia that is available. The website address is www.probus.org.uk
Some of you will remember Brian Hoy who has been collecting information about clubs that started in the early years of Probus. Strange though it sounds he has no knowledge of any clubs starting in 1967. Do you have any information that can help him? If you do please can you contact him on 01227 362954 or by email on hoyprob3@hotmail.com to help him with his project.
Roy Phillips, Social Secretary Bramhall 79 Probus Club was amused to see in the Horizon Magazine for retired Bank pensioners (Natwest/RBS) a new acronym for Probus – Prostate Removed – Other Bits Under Scrutiny. Not the most flattering but it proves that Probus is definitely “on the map”.
As always we have managed to find a little story for you with a winter theme:-
One day in early September the chief of a Native American tribe was asked by his tribal elders if the winter was going to be cold or mild. The chief asked his medicine man, but he too had lost touch with reading signs from the natural world around the Great Lakes.
In truth neither of them had any idea about how to predict the coming winter; however, the chief decided to take a modern approach and rang the National Weather Service.
“Yes, it is going to be a cold winter” the meteorological officer told the chief. Consequently, he went back to his tribe and told the men to collect plenty of firewood.
A fortnight later the chief called the Weather Service and asked for an update. “Are you still forecasting a cold winter?” he asked.
“Yes, very cold” the weather officer told him.
As a result of this brief conversation the chief went back to the tribe and told his people to collect every bit of wood they could find.
A month later the chief called the Weather Service once more and asked about the coming winter. “Yes” he was told, “it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever”.
“How can you be so sure?” the chief asked.
The weatherman replied: “Because the Native Americans of the Great Lakes are collecting wood like crazy”.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all of you from all of us.
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Autumn 2009 Editorial
Welcome to the Autumn edition of Probus Magazine which we hope you will thoroughly enjoy. We have a good selection of club reports (we still have quite a backlog so please be patient if your’s hasn’t appeared yet), letters, speakers and interesting features. We had a great response to the AMD article which appeared in the Summer issue and we understand that Mr Harry Marsland has been busy responding to your communications.
Several of you have sent us photographs that you would like us to use as a front cover but unfortunately you have not taken into account the proportions that are essential. They must be “portrait” and not “landscape”. To put it into more obvious terms the long edge of the photo must be at the side and not at the top of the photo. It is virtually impossible to crop a landscape photo to fit the page.
Once more it has been a great summer for the sports fans amongst you. As usual a mixed bunch of results but it is the taking part that counts!! When told that someone playing cricket had done their best, an elderly gentleman muttered “well some people’s best is very poor! “. The gardeners have, however, fared quite well with the mixture of sunshine and showers. The office here is awash with tomatoes. It is quite amazing how many plants one small packet of tomatoes can produce. Even when friends and family have been coerced into having some plants there are still dozens left over and it is very hard just to discard healthy plants. It’s a good job that tomatoes are good for you and contain few calories. On the note of healthy eating, we received the following story from Malcolm Tyrer who found it in the Greater Manchester Pension Fund Magazine and sought their approval for us to use it. It is a great one and if you find a suitable story for us to use please do send it in, we are always looking for something to make you smile.
Jim and Betty were 85 years old and had been married for 60 years. They didn’t have much money but they were happy and healthy. They put their good health largely down to what Betty called “The All Bran Plan”. For the last 10 years they had started the day with a big bowl of All Bran, then had nothing but healthy low fat food the rest of the day, and, of course, there was no alcohol except for a small sherry once a week.
Sadly one day they went out for a ride in their old Skoda, but the brakes failed sending them sailing off the edge of a cliff.
St Peter welcomed Jim and Betty at the pearly gates, showed them into a beautiful house, lavishly decorated and with all mod cons, including a 50” flat screen TV, a designer kitchen and a huge bathroom decorated in marble and gold.
“Welcome to Heaven — this will be your home now” said St Peter. “It’s incredible” said Jim “but we can’t afford this!” to which St Peter replied “It won’t cost you a penny — this is your reward in Heaven”. Jim gazed out of the window at the championship golf course right on his doorstep, and even before he could comment St Peter added “Yours to enjoy as often as you like — it’s all free.” The next day St Peter hosted a welcome party for all the new arrivals, with the most lavish buffet they had ever seen. Jim looked nervously at Betty. “This doesn’t quite fit in with your All Bran Plan” he said. “Don’t worry” said St Peter overhearing him. “In Heaven you can eat and drink whatever you like and you will never get fat or sick”.
Jim couldn’t believe it — no more All Bran! “That’s right.” said St Peter. “Full English Breakfast every day?” asked Jim. “Every day if you like,” replied St Peter. “Beer on tap? asked Jim. “All day, every day” came back the reply. Remember this is heaven — you are here to enjoy yourself’.
After a long pause Jim glared at Betty and said “You and your B****y All Bran Plan. We could have been here ten years ago!”
Keep smiling and enjoy a good read.
Summer 2009 Editorial
Welcome to the summer edition of the Probus Magazine. We hope this will be the perfect antidote to the current climate of gloom and doom that the media in general will not let us forget. It is great to see that you are all still able to carry on with your usual meetings and trips, long and short, both home and abroad. We do have to apologise that some of the Club Reports are from the latter part of last year as we do still have to get through the backlog. This however is testament to the fact that many of you are still happy to let us know that you are still getting out and about, and all but a few are being very patient and understanding. We still enjoy hearing from you.
It is great to know that many of you are using the companies that advertise with us as this encourages them to keep with us and thus help pay the production costs. This said, however, the cost of both paper and distribution has rocketed recently and we fear that there may have to be a slight increase in subscription. When you consider that the cost of your magazine is less than your daily paper we hope that you will agree that is still good value. If you use a company that does not advertise with us and you think other clubs would benefit from knowing about them, please do let them have a copy of the magazine. It is a great way for them to get themselves known.
We have recently had a few queries about whether there is an official Probus Office. We can assure you that there is not. As you will know there is no registration for Probus Clubs in Great Britain and therefore no official list of clubs. This does of course have its drawbacks but generally it has always been considered that the advantages of each club being able to make its own arrangements to suit its members far outweigh them. Not least, if there is no registration there is no subscription to pay other than that agreed within your club. It seems to work and the old adage of “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it” seems to apply.
When we open the post or read your emails we often have contributions sent to us that make us smile. Knowing the Editor’s fondness of golf and an amusing story the following was a sure contender. We will however make any necessary apologies in advance on behalf of the member of Conwy & District Probus Club who sent this!!
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watching in horror as her ball headed directly towards a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The women rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologise.
“Please allow me to help. I am a physiotherapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d allow me” she told him.
“Oh no, I’ll be alright. I’ll be fine in a few minutes” the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in a foetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to his side, loosened his trousers and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked “How does that feel?”
He replied: “It feels great, but I still think my thumb’s broken”.
We hope the smile stays with you through the magazine.
Best wishes for a great Probus Summer.
Spring 2009 Editorial
Christmas is now a hazy memory, 2009 is well underway and another Probus Magazine has been dropped in your lap at the latest meeting. This issue has been a joy to prepare as we have had some amazing contributions, particularly in the form of information about your members. Two specially noteworthy members have been drawn to our attention. These are Harry Pascoe, a member of Flegg Probus in Norfolk who has led an amazingly generous life helping others in his area in a multitude of ways, and Roy Bratby of St Albans Verulamium Probus Club who has been elected Chairman of the British Tinnitus Association. You can read more about them in the following pages. Do you have any members that can match these men? If so do let us know.
We are certainly trying to stay clear of the doom and gloom caused by the financial institutions, and it is at these times that you realise that Probus has got it right. Many other clubs that have large central organisations are finding it difficult to recruit new members and are loosing their present members due to the high subscriptions caused by expensive overheads. Probus, on the other hand, is expanding and many new clubs are being started. There does, however, appear to be a slight change in that there are now more dual gender clubs being formed; something that would have been frowned upon in the early days but now work extremely well. We do still get asked from time to time about having a central organisation, but in our minds the old adage of “if it aint broke don’t fix it” still stands.
If you are a seasoned reader of the Probus Magazine you will know that we often include a little story for you at this point. This is one that has been sent to us – a little naughty but amusing:
An elderly couple were having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife’s hand in his and said. “Martha, soon we will have been married for 50 years, and there’s something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?”
Martha replied, “Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes I’ve been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason”.
Henry was obviously hurt by his wife’s confession, but said ”Can you tell me what you mean by good reasons?”
Martha said, “The first time was shortly after we were married and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn’t pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the bank manager and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?”
Henry recalled the visit to the bank manager and said “I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?”
Martha asked, “And do you remember when you were so sick but we didn’t have the money to pay for the heart surgery
You needed? Well I went to see your doctor one night and if you recall he did the surgery at no charge.”
“I recall that” said Henry. “And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you that. Now tell me about the third time.”
“Alright” Martha said. “So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club and you needed 73 more votes?”
If you have a story you think others would like to share, please do send it in.
We hope you enjoy this Spring edition of Probus Magazine, and send all best wishes for a happy and healthy 2009.
